im in a state of panic and in a confused mode. i lost all direction when i was absent during that 3 days. it meant alot to me. though it was a short break for me, it was also a time when i lost touch with lotsa stuff here and there. i'd lost momentum in everything i do. im afraid of going to school. im afraid of meeting some of my friends. im afraid of checking my mail. cos that implies that projects and assignments are piling up. similar to mount everest. if you ever think that im exaggerating, that you are so wrong. 3 days. 3 days was a torment to me. what was i doing at home was recuperating. the pain, the shit out of it. im grateful to alicia,vivienne,shiyi,shaun,joan,pam, jon(thank you for your sweets) and natasha for checking on me. especially my naggy sugar water(vivi). i love you. mummy and ah gal, you guys are..cute~ i love you guys alot alot.

this week... feels like a long and dreadful week. can someone save me from this hell.. who can help me put everything into place again.

i will never forget last week. it was my worse week in nyp. almost 1 and a half years in nyp. last week was crap. absolutely have no idea what was up in my mind. access being a failure, tutor was emphasizing that it was the only 4 failures in class. in another words... im a outlier. i dragged the average down.shame on me. im sorry BA. it should have been one of the best class. yet retards like me just couldn't keep up with the standard. in the laboratory, i was forcing myself to smile. does anyone know how i feel... i used to be able to talk to this friend about my everything. now the moment i see her, i only feel pressure, and no longer happiness. i was trying to hang in there. i sat there uncomfortably, waiting for school to end.

when school end, i was left alone by my friends. seeing the 4 of them walking infront of me, that moment made me realised that i should be alone. i freakng loathe myself. not attention grabbing here. but if you as a reader cannot accept who i am, jolly well hit the F4 button now.

only blogging allows me to vent my anger. i cannot cry with the presence of my mother. she knows im stressed. but... yea.


























qy, im sorry for being a fugtard. sorry for being so.."no-so-understanding" friend of yours. sorry and more sorry. i will reflect and improve.