just received nat's mail. thou i feel _____, but at least her mail reached me. felt the gap between us. will i lose this friend one day.. will we become strangers just like we were a year ago during freshmen orientation.


i totally lost the will power that we all need to move on with our lives.. each day comes, i dont look forward to anything, besides falling ill. today was practically stucked on the couch like a potato. was ignored the whole day. spent my day on nothing but taking medications, water, loo, and tv. no interaction with whosoever. till at night, qy texted me, asking me to join ehr for lunch at her interview areas. that moment i felt remebered. she actually wanted to meet me for lunch. elated but depressed. i cant even get the arse of mine outta couch, how can i travel to macpherson? didnt wana let her know i was ill. so kinda agreed. for the sake of her, i wouldnt mind. but she changed her mind, like i dont know why. i missed talking to her, missed the stubborn and strict her. hoped to see you soon.

long ago when i come across funeral stuffs, i told mum that i want cantonese style if i were to leave one day. cos i can hardly understand hokkien at the 7th month prayers and teck papa and his brother's company. i seriously dont mind death. im waiting for it. many out there struggle to live. whereas i struggle to die soon. im not saying this in a pique. im dead serious. never ever knew what life has to offer. i only knew that im always falling ill. never ending. and mum will always ignore me when when im ill. today i feel so empty. sick alone, manage alone. mum doesnt even wana lay her eyes on me. cos i fall sick more than i poo.

i really missed alot people. where are u nat.
alvin's lame jokes/
shaun's comforting words/
viva's advice/
shiyi's girly voice/
sheron's whack on my head/
shuqian's:"rabbit,lets go manhattan fishmarket"/
vivienne's silly monster/
zh's lol/
eva's blabbering about studies/
alicia's silent moves/
jeremy's:"i know what you are up to"/
qy's orders/


so sudden. so random. but true. i really miss them thou i do see some of them these days. im just out of my mind after a round of fever. pardon me. cos im always sick...(not in the brain)