its me

2010-09-03T00:11:00.002+08:00

procrastinating whether to make it to our class steamboat. i kept thinking to myself, why appear when the others did not ask me to go along, with the exception of fatty natty. and i decided to give it a miss.. im glad that, my friends enjoyed the night with each other's company. hence it was right that i did not turn up, for the fear of being a wet blanket or being left out. thank you nat. for inviting me. i have no friends. look at fb. no one would ever comment on my wall. neither would anybody respond to what i have posted. and it goes to show, im not widely accepted by my peers. apparently, i feel comfortable with the current status, but i have my insecurities at times.. bet that it was alright to feel that way. who doesnt?

backtracking

2010-08-16T11:59:00.003+08:00

all these while, i realised that i dont really have friends. browsing pics of people all getting together for a purpose, capturing all the happy moments, and where did mine go to? was it due to my character that caused me to end up like this? or was i more comfortable with this arrangement whereby lesser human relations = to lesser complications? but i know i have 3 friends in mind that i can look for.

2010-04-02T22:11:00.000+08:00

i miss you guys..... shaun...... vivienne...alicia......viva.....

2009-12-30T23:53:00.001+08:00

CHEER UP AMANDA!!!!!

2009-12-14T21:36:00.001+08:00

are we not close enough?

i realised that at the very beginning we were damn close. subsequently things faded abit..hopefully it will improve. maybe one day i should stand firm on my decisions. cos im losing all the time, to everything. im a loser.

happy birthday qy

2009-12-13T13:26:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO qian yu
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!

20th birthday le.

time flies. people have changed. and you are getting better and better by the day.
keep up with the good work of being a good friend to everyone. thanks for being the clown around people, trying to make the surroundings happy and lively.

thanks for being there whenever i need you
thanks for enlightening me
thanks for smiling with me
thanks for joking with me
thanks for smiling with me
thanks for getting pissed off with me
thanks for listening to me
thanks for monkeying around with me
thanks for all the little things you have done for me..

being able to maintain a relationship is never easy. but you make it seem like a breeze. you are our role model qy. so keep that smile going, keep that joke coming in, be that best friend of everyone.

all the best for your last semester in school, and I LOVE YOU!!

2009-12-11T21:55:00.002+08:00

people always say to cherish your life. cos there's many people out there who are fighting to live. and i will say, i rather die and do a good deed by offering my organs to save a life. so at the end of the day, its the same. only one person will vanish from this world. and its me. im sick of everything. so just grant me my wish. and i can grant those who are struggling to live, a hope to remain alive and kicking. so why not? when is my last day on earth?

2009-12-11T17:37:00.002+08:00

sickening day. and i will never ever forget how they treat me.

and i think i wouldnt bother so much about anything.. especially those minute details of you..cos you cant even handle those stuff of yours..so why should i try so hard..i realised no matter how hard i try to be sincere towards people, i will never get the due repect in return. i just want basic respect. is that so difficult? i wonder whats wrong with you people. is bitching around so fun. you guys are so domineering in the shop. big shot ah. i dont understand why am i tolerating all these..

2009-12-10T01:06:00.002+08:00

i realised that i can never ever find somemore i love him/her more than he/she loves me.

never know why. guess im not so fortunate.

and i miss you guys alot. you know who you are, my big clique.
alicia
vivienne
eva
shaun
viva
zhen hong
shiyi

2009-12-03T20:06:00.001+08:00

utterly disappointed in you

2009-11-22T17:01:00.000+08:00

can i not let go??i dont want to. im reluctant to.why must i. why should i.

2009-11-21T15:45:00.001+08:00

i dont wana give up...i dont want to...

2009-11-19T18:41:00.003+08:00

kena shoot by lim today regarding my proposal.....hiaz. infront of everyone....the worse thing is,kena shoot alrdy then she told everyone to get my copy of proposal to show them the format..

goondu, you must learn to set things aside. though im not good at it, but i will learn how to do so with you. we're both learning how to. i know how you feel, cos im also doing it on my own..and when i saw you yesterday, i was so happy that i ran towards you. i miss my friends alot.. being in tep separates you guys and me. however, its just physically, not mentally. so im not worried about that. cos you guys will go to the shop to visit me whenever you're in school. dont thank me for the hug.. thats the only way to comfort you, and i wana tell you that shiyi, alicia and i loves you alot. CHEER up!

2009-11-12T11:21:00.002+08:00

there's something bout' the way that.. makes me feel wana see you smile
there's something bout' the way your looks invite
and i want you to be mine...and if you need a reason why..

cos i enjoy seeing you smile
i enjoy your jokes
i enjoy your company
i enjoy everything little thing you do

you are just so perfect in my eyes..

1 month count down..i must fufil it!!!!

2009-11-09T10:55:00.002+08:00

feelings are indescribable. its also intangible. cannot be seen, nor touched, smelled, felt, and taste. feelings are unexplainable too. in fact im disappointed by the reasons that im not "good enough for you". i thought that by being innocent, i would be able to skip all sorts of trouble. besides, im a conservative person. i won't insist things to go my way as well. 1 month is all i need.

truth is always the most hurting

2009-11-04T20:33:00.002+08:00

what is this thing with me growing the shit on my head? though i may look feminine compared to my short hair, im still the same me. the rubbishy and brainless me. as i was walking along the corridor after retrieving my hoody from the locker, i realised there is this man looking at me. i stole a glance at him. who knows it was mr soh. he told me that he saw me last week but i cant be bothered to greet him. honestly i didnt see him at all. i'd like to look on the ground while walking. cant be helped... and he told me:" i like your hair.nice." i was flattered. he made me feel good for once.. cos im often being put don by friends and family members.

and few days ago, my friend told me that my hair doesnt suit me, and i should remove that clip that secures my KALI POK. im kinda caught in between cos the only reason i kept my hair long is due to the repeated reminders from everyone to keep my hair long. and i feel more confident with that hair of mine. im not a typical act cute act chio act pity girl. im a playful, dynamic, tomboyish, girl, not next door, but doors away girl. i hate it when girls try too hard to act cute. its just way too much for me. i wana be independent and have a mind of my own. i wana be a career woman. so whats up with dolling up to attract guys when i can just dress pleasant enough to look like a lady?

and im gonna say it ONE LAST TIME. i transferred out of eldc cos i have my reasons. and not for the fun of it. stop doubting me. cos it simply irritates me. we have been classmates for two years. you jolly well know what kinda person i am. why should i fake it? its not fun having to receive intensive training when the others have already settled down in msc. seriously i dont have to account to you regarding my actions. however, i respect you by not putting you down infront of everybody. i could have just brushed you aside. if you wana doubt me, im not bothered to answer you anymore. cos if you're my true friend, you would have trusted me.

thanks to people who stood by me
vivienne
alicia
shaun
viva
zhen hong
qian yu
jeremy

2009-11-02T19:19:00.002+08:00

i woke up in the morning, to be finding myself smiling to my mobile as i stopped the alarm before it rings in 15 minutes time. it was the first time that a smile emerged from my face naturally. the night before was hard to pass... i had lots of stuff occupying my mind. seeing dad in that condition, i cannot help but felt sorry for him. it seems that my hatred for him dissipated along with the pain that i had in my heart. it took me quite sometime for everything to be sorted out. qy was trying to be nice to me. yet, i sounded rude at the very beginning. im sorry qy. i told myself not to be too nice to the extent that i became cold towards answering my friends every now and then. i'll not make the same mistakes anymore. our chat over the 1 hour has helped me calm down and bring the smiles back to my face

so early in the morning, i looked at my phone and told myself to start the day sweet and happy. went to school, did all that i had to in the valueshop. time whizzes pass... when i was busy, i spotted this familiar lady, who extended her arms towards me, offering me the sweet that i liked the most. this brought back many memories. i used to buy 3 rolls of that sweets to cure my cravings.. and now, this girl brought something to cheer me up, and cheer me on. that moment was filled with happiness, surprise, and abit of a....HAO LIAN...shhhh...natural ma.super nice qy. on a random note, nice white shoes eh?ATTRACTIVE eh? and keep your hair nice and long again eh? lets have a competition, see whose hair grows the fastest...haha,crazy....

but the hapiness last till lunch with team mates... after reaching home, it was a total different situation then. to be greeted with aunt's crying..she cried so hard so hard...i feel so sorry for her...but i had no idea what to do other than offering tissues...imnot gonna elaborate on this part due to privacy reasons eh? cheer up soon..i'll be prepare for your scolding..i know im gonna kena the shit from you since you're in bad mood. but im nice ok,i forgive u la hor...(kidding)

2009-11-01T20:17:00.002+08:00

not in a good mood.. neither in a bad mood... dad was involved in an accident along lornie road and has sustained bad injuries.. thank god that he was saved by a motorist who got off his bike to help dad pull his bike away.. or else he would be crushed into bits by the oncoming traffic.. it was raining heavily that night.. road was slippery. somehow his bike lost control and skidded along the wet road. his leg was stacked by the bike that he has difficulties getting up. he struggled so hard. i can feel how helpless he was that time. thanks mr motorist. you saved my dad's life. and shit you police,shit you SGH, shit you police. where were you guys man!

im so gona complain SGH bloody shit.

next, i was called a stupid by nathaniel's gf. i didnt use tau gey to secure the thumbdrives in valueshop. she popped in and scolded me. then gave me a hard whack on my back. so pain that i yelled on top of my voice while i was serving the customer. damn it... its very painful la... not that i wanna exegerate things ok.. i was given cable wires to secure the stuffs by zerene.. not me right... and to our horror, she lied to us that there wasnt any tau gey left... in fact, ms lim said she had loads of it.. damn..i got scolded for nothing... but well, the team hates her...sooooo...

then then, i told mum about how i feel. when im sick, nobody cares about me.. i sponge myself, take med myself, see doc myself, everything i do on my own.. when all of them are sick at home, i take good care of them. what is this la... not that im a big shot at home, but i do deserve my fair share of attention right? i will never forget there was once i had a 39.9 degrees fever... i was left in the living room to sleep on the sofa. whereas mum, aunt and brother were in the room enjoying aircon... i had no food, no water, and i couldnt really move as i was too ill that time.. when i talked to mum how i felt, she ignored me. then she complained about her contusion..to godpa.. and i was freaking pissed cos i had this stupid injury on my shin for so many days and she only told me to rub zam buk on my own. so there i go...telling her off infront of godpa.. i said why is it that im always the one taking care of others and nobody gives a damn about me?

so we were arguing... and you know how bitter i felt that time... i feel so sad.. im ignored, nobody wants me, and im called a stupid.

2009-10-24T13:57:00.003+08:00

after seeing her funeral,i feel so depressed..when i was with someone yesterday,he asked me something that made me ponder the whole night...he asked me if i really wana die(it kinda caught me off guard)...the other day at eldc...j was telling x about commiting suicide...and that made me think about what is death all about...i remembered other day i dreamt of the hell gods, i told shaun and sis..both gave me a different set of interpretation..i dreamt that i died...the feeling was so lifelike...dont be mistaken that this is an emo post...just a reflection...for now,when i wana do something, i will just do it..i wana die a happy soul.that implies to how i handle everything and everyone..as long as i know im right,i will just go ahead and say and do whatever i can for that person,for myself,my family,my future...

2009-10-18T00:08:00.003+08:00

i enjoy seeing you
i enjoy talking to you
i enjoy every moment spent with you

cos you mean everything to me,you special person

i have the urge to tell you about it

2009-10-09T11:03:00.002+08:00

the reason why i blogged with illustration last night, its due to the hyper me, in the high-mode. this is what happened: itchy hands wanted to touch the lappy. so brain says do it. therefore itchy hands did it. hit the on button of the lappy, and waited. when everything runs, itchy hands went to msn to check mails, wondering that a miracle would happen to her posting results. who knows, to her delight, she saw her primary school friend's name on the mailing list. *clicks* and it was her badminton cum classmates. they added me on fb. sl was offline. so left hl and i teasing each other. good old times huh? yea. got to hyped up when talking to them. and i slept around 5 in the morning. and i got up at 10. not PM but AM. so happy. and those were the comments posted by them on fb. the other one in a blog form was my pri 5 and 6 classmate. she found me in nyp with qy, so those were her comments. and now i know...i was a horrible creature in the past...AHHA

*qy dinner?

2009-10-08T23:39:00.004+08:00

CLICK ON THE PICS TO ENLARGE

ok i feel so lousy last time. its true, i used to be really tomboyish and playful in the past. no doubt i was a badminton v-captain known by all, studies was 1/2 bucket. not even enough for mum and bro to drink. seeing such comments from my old old friends, it assured me of the direction that i took was the right one. the decision made was wise. and the sacrifices made was worthwhile. im glad to be who i am today. it was pressure and stress that honed my skills, characters, and ability.

reminiscing about the past, thou i was a NOT-SO-OUTSTANDING student in academic wise, but i sure had my fair share of fun, joy, and laughter. it was friends like them who left me things to look out for when i walk down the memory lane alone, beautiful scenaries like this kept me occupied. or else, i would be walking down the memory lane, with nothing but emptiness.

friends, thanks for those comments. i will work harder and to become a better girl. NOPE. lady

*goodnight to all, and qy

2009-10-07T00:00:00.003+08:00

just had a conver with my special someone(ss). we seemed to be talking non-stop. ss told me lots of stuff. i laughed till my stomach was about to cramp. told ss that my shit for tml will come out today. ss urged me to stop it. oh well, i will not hide anything from you. im comfortable talking to you, as much as im comfortable with stuffing my rabbit's head into my mouth(kiddin)

you made me happy till im floating on clouds nine man. laughed too much already. i hoped that this bond will not disintegrate and disappear into the air as time goes by. and you know what,you are always on my mind. goodnight.(you didnt say goodnight to me)

*i need you in my life

2009-10-05T12:20:00.002+08:00

brought this person to clarke quay, hwan's place to have dinner by the river. in my mind, all i wana do is cheer this person up. sent xiang to the bus stop before walking back to the restaurant/pub like place. whole day was fully utilised. met ben kor for lunch, then went to deliver choc and mooncakes to manager, and even saw my boss. afterwhich, met xiang to shop around. went to amanda's counter and was told that hwan will be there too. god knows when she just popped out of nowhere and she didn't see me. simply walked blindly. end up, we went lunch together. amanda went back and the three of us went clarke quay. hwan went work, left xiang and i. xiang met her friend,bobby, and we were chatting. cut the gm story....

special person reached, and my mission begins. had a great dinner with good scenary. gave this person something. which made this person went high. throughout the whole night, it was simply comfortable, sweet, and relaxing. i didn't expect plan to be rolled out so smoothly.

towards the end, we got to go home... walked passed pubs with live band. special person was so tempted to get near. one day ok? promise you... went home and mum met us to give special person the mooncakes. when we part, it felt so...idk what to say.. but special person text me nevertheless.. it is all worth it to earn this person's smiles..

for the next few days, we have been texting each other like there's no tml. i enjoy this kinda connection with this special person. and now, i start to miss you again..next date...

2009-09-23T08:01:00.002+08:00

freak i got a bad dream. i failed my exams. curse like hell when i woke up and found out that it was a dream similar to last week's. damn, i have no confidence in myself. dragged myself out of the bed and went to the toillet to waste time. cos i can no longer sleep with that dream reappearing most of the time.

2009-09-20T23:46:00.002+08:00

when i see pictures of that event, it seemed apparent to me that skipping it was a best choice made. the eye was swollen at the right time. i know that if you have the company of those guys, i would be forgotten. few days later, you didn't keep in contact with me. in order to not miss out on anything, i text you days before your return. too bad, you didn't wana reply me. i guess you had the best of your time out there hanging out with your friends. i admit there was this sadness when i saw the photos, cause it will always remind me that when you have that group of friends, you will forgo me. the airport incident kept rewinding in my head. vivid memories of it. but i really missed you my friend.

and the next person, used to be another important one to me, apart from the first person i mentioned above. i wana say, i gave up on you. our friendship has already died aprox 2 to 3 years ago? goodbye friend. from now on, you will be erased from my memory bank. thanks for the past. procrastinated for long and i decided to drop it.

2009-09-15T22:10:00.002+08:00

this was what happened to me and it resulted in me missing my close friend's birthday celebration. whenever i recall how she sang the birthday song for me in year one, i feel so guilty for giving her celebration a miss. remembering how she smiled to me when i said YES to her last night. today, it became a NO. im sorry natasha. i didn't mean it. i feel so bad now. its all my fault. i know i have been a hindrance to everyone falling sick all the time. i said this many times. i feel so much like a burden. i tried very hard to not fall sick. i really tried my best.

have been tearing the whole day as a result of that eye inflammation. kept tearing. and it gave me an direct chance to cry out. im really tired staying with aunt. everything i do is being scrutinized under her surveillance 24/7. i asked mum that day, when will we not live under her roof. im gasping for breath now. i have no idea when will i lose grip. when that happens, im gonna walk out on everything.

i need a breather. i need a break. i hate you.

2009-09-09T11:46:00.000+08:00

friend's birthday in prolly 2 week's time. and i've yet to get her prezzies done. last year around this time,i'd already planned everything, and it fits into place nicely. thsi year im a real laggard. please understand me for not giving you a good birthday..

2009-09-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

everyday has been spending time at home,doing nothing but nursing my fever. no idea why did i fall sick all the time. i already tried my best to take good care of my health. and i did improve. nobody sees my improvements but pick on my sickness.hopefully one day i just catch a pneumonia or cancer and just die. very sick of hearing those cursing and stuff.

2009-09-01T22:42:00.000+08:00

just received nat's mail. thou i feel _____, but at least her mail reached me. felt the gap between us. will i lose this friend one day.. will we become strangers just like we were a year ago during freshmen orientation.

i totally lost the will power that we all need to move on with our lives.. each day comes, i dont look forward to anything, besides falling ill. today was practically stucked on the couch like a potato. was ignored the whole day. spent my day on nothing but taking medications, water, loo, and tv. no interaction with whosoever. till at night, qy texted me, asking me to join ehr for lunch at her interview areas. that moment i felt remebered. she actually wanted to meet me for lunch. elated but depressed. i cant even get the arse of mine outta couch, how can i travel to macpherson? didnt wana let her know i was ill. so kinda agreed. for the sake of her, i wouldnt mind. but she changed her mind, like i dont know why. i missed talking to her, missed the stubborn and strict her. hoped to see you soon.

long ago when i come across funeral stuffs, i told mum that i want cantonese style if i were to leave one day. cos i can hardly understand hokkien at the 7th month prayers and teck papa and his brother's company. i seriously dont mind death. im waiting for it. many out there struggle to live. whereas i struggle to die soon. im not saying this in a pique. im dead serious. never ever knew what life has to offer. i only knew that im always falling ill. never ending. and mum will always ignore me when when im ill. today i feel so empty. sick alone, manage alone. mum doesnt even wana lay her eyes on me. cos i fall sick more than i poo.

i really missed alot people. where are u nat.
alvin's lame jokes/
shaun's comforting words/
viva's advice/
shiyi's girly voice/
sheron's whack on my head/
shuqian's:"rabbit,lets go manhattan fishmarket"/
vivienne's silly monster/
zh's lol/
eva's blabbering about studies/
alicia's silent moves/
jeremy's:"i know what you are up to"/
qy's orders/

so sudden. so random. but true. i really miss them thou i do see some of them these days. im just out of my mind after a round of fever. pardon me. cos im always sick...(not in the brain)

2009-08-25T17:47:00.002+08:00

you should have told me that you has your friends to send you to the airport. in the first place i was worried that you had to travel alone with that lugguage of yours. so i thought that i should make a trip down to help you despite my "one-week" quarantine at home. when you sent that message to me at 5 plus, i felt so worthless. why? to the extent that im a backup tyre. i hate friends who treat me as a tyre. cos it implies im big clumsy and heavy. you had your best friends who could send you off. it feels like im sending a superstar back. im fine with sending you back with your friends around. but the things is that you didnt tell me at all. never mention a word about people sending you back. all you did was a last minute sms telling me that your friends are at your place now, collecting your lugguage. and what? i have been waiting for you the whole day. friends asking am i sending you back... how should i reply then>? (=.=) : oh she had her friends...so no..... what the.... when am i always feeling that i'd always got the wrong friend? i dont mean people like shaun,etc. but some people who are always around with me in school. and one friend who isnt around in nyp. both have the same character...

i have lazy friend
i have bochap friend
i have friend who doesnt accompany me to do things that i liked
i have friends who care. i have friends who dont care

2009-08-19T13:00:00.000+08:00

these days has made me seen through what kind of person iam. i feel so small.. in fact, i realised that im always causing trouble to the people around me. take this week for instance. fallen ill as usual and my friends rushed to my place and brought me to the docs.. in my heart when i see them approach me, i feel sweetness, care, and concern. deep down, i feel guilty. that they had to waste time coming all the way here, just to ensure that iam safe, and afterwhich, they went back to school again..

i tried so hard to keep myself fit and healthy. this sem, i was absent from school for 2 days out of 1 sem. which was miracle. i took supplement, i ate regularly in school, and i went gym during the holidays. however, it seems that the things that i have done has all went down the drain...

im not trying to grab attention here... but it is how i feel. as i sat on the couch, staring into the tv screen with HRM notes in hand, i felt that i had the need to reflect. im often sickly looking. and i know how it feels when others who sees me with an annoyed look. like: why are you sick again?

since sec school, i had the tendency to fall ill... till date, iam. when can i stop... i dont want to be blacklisted according to mum..

2009-08-18T15:46:00.002+08:00

thanks to shaun, viva, shiyi, vivienne for accompanying me to the docs, and alicia for asking about my health all the while.
well,i've recovered already....luckily i took the jab. and damn, my arm's swollen now.
i guess pam is able to tell how i felt that time...thanks to the jab, i got to complete the rest of the papers. but i hate the side effects thou... just kept sleeping. and all i knew is that for this sem, im gonna fair badly. and i might not have the chance to sit for marketing. cos i haven been sick during exams..all the time. maybe... i gotta retake..no. its retake the module again.. fingers crossed. but im prepared to sacrifice one paper for the rest of the papers.

and on a lighter note, thurs is gonna be the last paper. to hell you go books! but finance was a disaster... so lets see how many modules am i gonna retake next sem, or perhaps next year... back to topic, thurs,outing. and friday...i have no idea what is gonna happen cos i have yet to start planning.. i have no time!!!! but gotta do it before someone disappears.

2009-08-15T15:04:00.002+08:00

friend went BKK for holi... "darling" when can you go overseas huh??? aiyo.

boat wont sink
plane wont crash
bus wont "capsize"
car wont accident de la...

lets go overseas one day.....msia also good(dont tell me sentosa)

fun man. woots. how i wish
viva
alicia
shaun
shiyi
zhen hong
pam
jon
vivi
nat

wow,these are the people whom i think IF i were to make a trip to overseas with, i would probably enjoy my trip with them....

2009-08-12T11:27:00.001+08:00

awwww......

2009-08-10T12:36:00.002+08:00

congratulations to "DARLING's" cousin upon his wedding today.

hopefully that idiot will enjoy herself today. and faster find a bf when you hit 21 ok? dont have i can intro you. but commission pls.

after exams:-
1. driving with faves
2. movie marathon with 2 darlings
3. outing with pam and jon
4. collect medi for kor kor with idiot
5. and...pending....

2009-08-08T15:43:00.002+08:00

sometimes i hoped that my friends dont think of me as being so complicated. im a straight forward person. if i dont like you, i will say it straight into your face, so as to avoid actig friendly with you. i hate to put on an act, tryin got smile at you when i dont wish to do so. i hate appeasing people who are not worthy of my attention.

ytd A text me. i was in the lab with my darlings. as usual i didnt hear the vibration coming from my phone. i was engrossed in doing icts, as well as laughing at zh's jokes. i kinda neglect the presence of my mobile as i left it in my file.

A came into the lab... and asked why didnt i reply. and i said the mobile was in my file. i sincerely apologise for that. it was my fault. but you didnt tell me that you wana meet me the previous day. so i felt that it was unnecessary to keep vigil by my mobile all thetime. i dont wish to get any infra-red related diseases according to ainon.

then next min, i asked one of the darlings why she will appear in the lab. then darling came up to me and said: did you not reply her on purpose? i said i didnt even know that she text me. and nobody understand hwo i felt that time. am i so FAKE? or am i so VICIOUS? perhaps it was sensitivity on my part as i told jon before. but this is a kind of..questioning my honesty and stuff. I SWEAR I DIDNT AVOID REPLYING THE TEXT. I REALLY DIDNT OK. IF I DID,MAY I GET KNOCKED DOWN BY A CAR WHEN I GET OUT OF NYP.

im not as complicated as how some people think. all i am or want is honesty, truthfulness, straightforward. i AM like that. cosi hate actresses and actors in my life. all i want is peace.

driving

2009-08-05T23:36:00.000+08:00

convo with vivi has made me feel more determined than ever. im so gonna get my license on the first attempt and not let everyone down.

goals- to drive:
mummy and bro out as and when i like
qy to have desserts
vivi for cny and xmas shopping
bumper car ride with shaun
drift along nyp car park
car racing with viva bro

vivi, im gonna fetch you out for shopping yea. then you dont have to rush home due to the last bus last train thingy. thou i have no car, but i can see what i can do about it. shaun says that renting a car is not worth it. maybe i go see see around. see what lobang i can get yea? shaun, vivi, lets JIAYOU!!! (shaun,hehehe)

2009-08-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

im gonna use cuss words on this fug-king idiot. asshole-wl. you know how buy am i with my revison and stuff? you think i dont wana submit my essay? if you think a 500 word essay is so easy to write you can jolly well write it yourself then. cos of this stupid bursary i got scolded everyday. coem back after school, its bursary bursary bursary. and you went to complain to cml. and cml scolded aunt and aunt scolded me. and mum scolded me as well. wth. dam pissed now. bloody hell.

2009-08-04T15:50:00.000+08:00

better sleep before i get a scolding from sis.

oh well, hrm video sucks...the more i see, the more stupid i think it is... had been wondering why did i do it. no offence, its on my part, not the group i mean. its was just purely me.

2009-08-03T19:02:00.001+08:00

.sometimes i dont know how to cheer my friends up.

2009-08-03T18:38:00.002+08:00

today was staying back after school with vivienne. was pissed off by that commander in the lab. i seriously feel that he will make a good commander when he joins the NS upon graduation. big size = a loud voice. stupid guy. wasn't able to fully concentrate on japanese revision.. oh well, its ok. now im back home doing my stuffs. whereas vivi met shiyi and left together cos that kuku is gonna get her shoes for cousin's wedding at kovan area... oh yea, maybe vivi is able to take the full driving exams with me. happy like poo only. hoped that shaun is able to pass me good news! yea yea. i wana drive my mama kor kor out, and i wana fetch my closest friend out.. for a nice meal.

and sorry sis, today made you hold me all the way. i was walking like a drunkard.. in fact, i wasn't ust that i didn't sleep the previous day. during marketing lec i was practically dozing off while loupo and sis was like holding me..sorry. and i wana say i really appreciate it. you pulled me up time and again. i knocked my head onto the table. clever huh? stupid you idiot.

after watching something today, i realised that some people are so selfish.. only thought of grabbing the center stage for him/herself only... like, for what? supposed to be everybody's effort pooled together as one ah.. why it feels so one-man-show?

yes after friday.. i feel that some people likes to get into the good books of teachers. like the teacher was talking to me and there goes this person, cuttign into the conversation when obviously the teacher has something very important to tell me. and one funny thing is, the teacher just brushed the person aside with a simple: haha. and she continued her conversatino with me. oh well, that should be the way yea. just be nice la huh. don't cut people's conversation unless there is something urgent... that is the problem with you.. dont know how to control...

and and, i wonder sometimes wil my friends get sick and tired of me.. seriously i rather have the truth rather than white lies which are there to just cheer me up. im not a person who goes for that

oh ya must rmb dont use the word darling..later used to it then not nice liao

2009-08-02T18:46:00.000+08:00

darling injured 2 out of 5 toes. very clever. i think you really suit the word DARLING.

dumb ass retarded little idiotic naughty girl

not the word suits you, but you suit the word. pretty much.

i guess you need an armour. or a shield?

tml you wil get it from me. i just dont like it when you injure yourself. cos it must be very painful.... exams in 2 weeks time. and i have yet to start on finance.. shit. and efma too... law will be during the study week itself... and marketing would be immediately after law paper...

suddenly feel like talking to dARLING now. but better not...that fella must be busy with work... i shall talk to my rabbit instead... off to the bed to find my rabbit. chaos!

today

2009-07-31T23:53:00.000+08:00

this week was spent with vivi everyday. before, after, during. macham like les. no la kidding... i enjoyed her company. a good friend i can ask for... i'd always wanted a gal buddy. i think i found one? hoped that i wont swallow my own words yea? i trust you de la. yea yea. if school starts late, we meet at shelter, then walk to school together. during school hours, we sit together, go toilet together.. and yea,i'd like to play pranks on her when she goes to the toilet. pretend to open the door, pretend to peep at her. recalled how she yelled at me when i first did it to her. she wanted to sever all ties with me. so serious.

also, shiyi joined us on few occasions. and today, nat joined in too... was so worried that we had nothing to say to each other.. but i was worried for nothing... she rushed off after the movie. throughout the movie, i was busy cleaning the floor. dont know for what also. was disturbed by nat's loud talking on her mobile. and i ended up laughing so loudly...

after which was currypuffs. i love it from tip top. jon, wana try? hahaha. random.

the night before i stayed up till 3 plus. was chatting with jon till 2 i think. and i realised we had lots to share. though we hardly talk in class, but i appreciate times when he took the effort to talk to me in msn, or to prank me. i was playing tic tac toe with him yesterday.I WON!!!!holidays, it will be shopping or meet up with you and pamm again yea? we have been doing it for 2 sems last year. thsi year, the same goes on....

and i hoped that mummy alicia feels better....recover soon mummy!

hrm skit

2009-07-30T21:24:00.000+08:00

today was hrm skit practice... felt that it was fun at the beginning. but at night when i read the mail from my classmates, im kinda confused by my own role. i absolutely have no idea, am i still the uglified version of a sexy lady, or am i the real sexy lady.

不开心

2009-07-29T19:51:00.000+08:00

今天很不开心，人说笑一笑，什么都过得了。现在的我好像被关在监牢里。想做的事都不能做。就应为怕被一个对我很重要的人误会。我很想跟我最要好的朋友一起读书，一起放学回家，有说有笑。这不是很好吗？但是事情不是这样的。反而我需要躲躲藏藏。真想把事实说出来，但不想对方生气。对不起，经天没等你就跑了。我有我的原应。我真的很累。有时希望你能放轻松一点。对于学业，希望你可以不要那么。。。competitive.应为我会觉得竞争很激烈。这样会让我感到压力。而且现在的我觉得很开心，但如果你也可以融入我的生活里，我会更开心。应为我知道在我生命中最重要的几个朋友陪我一起做我最喜欢做的事。

qy

2009-07-27T19:18:00.001+08:00

if qian yu is right infront of me, she better watch out.

im gonna pin her to the ground and repeat myself over and over again...

thank you thank you thank you thank you very much right into her face

i will give her a big and tight hug.os i wana express my appreciation for what she has always intended to do something in order to make me happy.

wanted to deliver ornage juice to me when i had ulcers... whereas my GOOD friend still shoot me when i was suffering. however, she react diffrently. then on a cold freezing day, she text me when i was drenched, asking where was i. all she wanted to do was to deliver her jacket to keep me warm in the school library in case i was gonna stay back for sometime. every single little things..nope, BIG things she has done for me, makes me feel that she is the one who really cares for me. we dont have to be seeing each other 24/7, or even 12/7 like my classmates and i do, but our "hearts" are connected somehow. i like it when she text me. be it a where are you, or how are you. the ultimate aim is just to shower me with concern.

the semester is coming to an end. how i wish she never ever graduate from NYP. i will miss seeing that petite looking girl sitting in the library, watching youtube, giggling to herself, with her bare-footed legs folded. i miss times studying with her. i miss times going to the library to look for her.

she will never know how much im gonna miss her....

im back

2009-07-26T20:33:00.000+08:00

im back after so long. my life has transformed. shaun, lesser complains right? thanks to vivienne. i have this friend, who takes good care of me. really spoils me like a brat. and if you were to see us together with DARLING shiyi, both will be bombrding me with their nagging... but i like it.

i love school these days. im serious natasha knows that i really hate school. i dread having to step into the hospiltal-like school. i hate the class im in.. simply due to the stress i got to handle daily... thinking that im in the so calledbest class... i cannot afford to do badly...

as days goes by...i became more and more conscious of the results that im producing. as a result i was completely stressed out.

i wana say thanks to my darling. not inverted comma. but seriously sis, you changed my life. i was happier, i enjoyed my day, and i see the importance in you. you taught me how to manage my time, you taught me that alot alot.. too much to spell...

remember your daily messages? msn conver? called me just to wake me up to study? slept at the same time? went to school together? you were really like my sister... i never had a sibling to take care of me.. i had ernest madelyn and esther... but none gave me that feeling...YOU, made me feel this way...

thank you sis

fakers

2009-06-26T00:53:00.003+08:00

everyone seemed fake. thats my catchphrase. like it or not. its true. ever since the hrm incident and extension of holidays, i finally see the pettiness in human beings. i'd like to complicate matters. cos thats the way things are if you view it from a wider perspective. all the politics, pretence, its just too much to mention. prolly it takes me up to a week to just talk about each and every single detail. friends are just there.. though some may be there for you, but they wouldn't be there till the end of time, or even anytime you need time. with the help of my fingers, i figured out how many friends-are the ones who will never ever leave my life. just one hand will do. no, three fingers will do. or maybe, none. thinking through what did each of them did for me from the very beginning when i knew them till now.. it makes me feel that perhaps im petty, perhaps im selfish, perhaps perhaps, and more perhaps to come. i love my friends alot. esppecially the ones whom i am reminded of constantly. everything i do, i want participation coming from you guys.. cos you guys make me feel worthy of every single attention that you have given.

sometimes, things dont just fall into place nicely. when i want my parting to fall on the left, it falls on the right. now that i changed my parting to the right, it went to the left. the only thing i can do is just to accept the fact that not everyone is perfect. i have my flaws too. and i absolutely have no faith in myself these days.. everything i do seems to feel so...i dont know how to explain.. i kept demoralising myself for some idk why reasons. conclusion, its better to keep center parting. its a NO FRILLS WAY.

i really wished that i can find myself friends who will stick with me till the end. not friends. but friend will do. (shaun, joey, you guys did it)

i remembered every single detail, the things that both of you has done for me. i never wana lose you guys.

weird people

2009-06-13T00:46:00.002+08:00

i suddenly feel that i have no friends at all...don't you think so? i hate being left alone. i can live with it. without friends since i have done it for 2 years. this is nothing to me. however, i just feel uncomfortable now.. who will stick with me to the end, i have no idea. cos everyone seems to abandon me to do their stuffs. i'd rather be on my own since im so extra. i thought that in poly, i found friends. true friends. i think i should eat up my words now... i have no idea, no idea..

im left alone. and i will go solo from now on

happy birthday sq

2009-06-09T19:10:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BRO of 5 years.

its been a blessing to have you as my friend. a brother who takes good care of his sister.
no matter where you are now, i wana tell you that you have been a constant reminder to me that whatever happens, optimism is most important. and for that i really salute you. throughout all these years, you have never ever lose your patience, nor got angry with anything. on this day, i wana say i love you bro. thanks for everything.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHU QIAN
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!

HAPPY 19TH BROTHER.

2009-06-07T21:09:00.000+08:00

if i have a chance now,i will immediately open the window and jump down now

panic attack

2009-06-07T20:41:00.005+08:00

im in a state of panic and in a confused mode. i lost all direction when i was absent during that 3 days. it meant alot to me. though it was a short break for me, it was also a time when i lost touch with lotsa stuff here and there. i'd lost momentum in everything i do. im afraid of going to school. im afraid of meeting some of my friends. im afraid of checking my mail. cos that implies that projects and assignments are piling up. similar to mount everest. if you ever think that im exaggerating, that you are so wrong. 3 days. 3 days was a torment to me. what was i doing at home was recuperating. the pain, the shit out of it. im grateful to alicia,vivienne,shiyi,shaun,joan,pam, jon(thank you for your sweets) and natasha for checking on me. especially my naggy sugar water(vivi). i love you. mummy and ah gal, you guys are..cute~ i love you guys alot alot.

this week... feels like a long and dreadful week. can someone save me from this hell.. who can help me put everything into place again.

i will never forget last week. it was my worse week in nyp. almost 1 and a half years in nyp. last week was crap. absolutely have no idea what was up in my mind. access being a failure, tutor was emphasizing that it was the only 4 failures in class. in another words... im a outlier. i dragged the average down.shame on me. im sorry BA. it should have been one of the best class. yet retards like me just couldn't keep up with the standard. in the laboratory, i was forcing myself to smile. does anyone know how i feel... i used to be able to talk to this friend about my everything. now the moment i see her, i only feel pressure, and no longer happiness. i was trying to hang in there. i sat there uncomfortably, waiting for school to end.

when school end, i was left alone by my friends. seeing the 4 of them walking infront of me, that moment made me realised that i should be alone. i freakng loathe myself. not attention grabbing here. but if you as a reader cannot accept who i am, jolly well hit the F4 button now.

only blogging allows me to vent my anger. i cannot cry with the presence of my mother. she knows im stressed. but... yea.

qy, im sorry for being a fugtard. sorry for being so.."no-so-understanding" friend of yours. sorry and more sorry. i will reflect and improve.

mixed emotions

2009-06-05T17:08:00.002+08:00

today was law paper. it feels good to be sitting next to sis and sukhjeet, with ade and gene infront. there is this good feng shui thing.
oh well, sorry nat that you had to sit infront alone. i couldn't find you. as usual, its best to give you more space and freedom.
mixed emotions here and there. i kept contradicting myself. i feel stupid after getting my access test paper. im the stupidest in the class. seriously, from the time school began till today, i had this really bad feeling about my studies. a hunch that i might not excel. blame myself for being slow.
i need to figure a way to break out of this barrier.

today i saw this person whom i feel that im close with, i clarified some matters with her. from her response, i feel that im just an ass. no more text messages regularly, anymore. why do i care when the person doesnt give a damn.

as days pass by, i know who are the ones who will not leave me out, stick with me to the end. no need for further elaborations.

sometimes i feel that im being left out.

past

2009-06-01T16:11:00.002+08:00

as i was reading an abandoned blog of this person, the past flashed through my mind. subconsciously, all the words that she spoke to me just float across my memory bank. no matter how hard i tried to let go.. the past is back to haunt me when the slightest hint tingles my mind to think of what has been done to me. i hate the fact that i was involved in a situation whereby going to school was hell for me. now that i have made really great friends who love me, i thank god for that arrangement. and i wana say, as long as i can avoid seeing you guys, i will skip whatever gathering that is planned by anyone. yes, i no longer balme anyone or whatever for the past 2 years. but a scar is always the aftermath of everything. that is the fact. nothing can change it.

*your criticisms are always there to remind me of the past

goodbye

2009-05-23T00:04:00.002+08:00

went school.

talked to ms loy.

went back to hrm class.

joked: eugene was my victim.

went funeral.

today i saw this guy at the funeral. he was tagging behind biao jiu all the time. i was thinking who is he. and so, he happened to be biao jiu's camp mate. they are on very close terms. from day one granduncle was hospitalised till the day whereby he catch his last breath, he was standing by biao jiu's side. this time, what was floating across my mind is that...: will i ever have such friend to stick through thick and thin times with me?

to be honest when i was pondering over these questions. few peeps popped up in my mind: shaun, natasha, vivienne, alicia, jeremy,qian yu, jonathan(this fella is really nice if he...stop touching his hair), pamela?

especially peeps whom im with every single day.out of all these peeps. i know who will be there for me when i need them. you know who you are.

im very sure in the future, i wouldn't have my relatives with me. mum told me before. and im convinced too. given the gap between my relatives and i. in my family there are only mum and bro. no one else. just imagine what happens in the future...i know im gonna rely on my friends alot.no doubt man.

i hate the family im raised in. i have no connection with my father's side at all. as for mum, my relatives are only keeping contact with us due to mum. should she be absent for any reason, no one would bother about us. i hate the fact that im alone.

i have this close gal friend. i am close to her. and i could relate to her easily. i don't deny that i have friends who care. and i really treasure them alot. but this particular close gal pal of mine..im not sure what kind of vocabulary i can use to describe her. but i know that no matter what, i will always be her lougong helping her with whatever i can, just like how my friends are supporting me now.

goodbye granduncle. thanks for taking care of mum. you are the best papa and uncle in the world. my hats off you for being able to remain as a faithful, caring, thoughtful husband and father. though we arent close, mum has told me alot about you. goodbye

happy~

2009-05-08T22:17:00.002+08:00

feel so fortunate today. had lunch with qy. shaun came to join me after that. so i was studying with the company of my two favourite people. sat at north canteen. thou the surroundings was noisy and disturbing, but i feel so blessed and happy for that period of time. thank you, favourite people~

long time no see

2009-05-07T15:07:00.002+08:00

it has been 123743867536532654326 minutes since i've drop by post. itchy me wants to say.
: "hello to my readers."

school has begun since last week. been trying to adapt. the feeling being in this class is so weird. im just used to my year1 classmates. somehow its not so girls-school-like. this time round, im like submerged in st nicholas, st margerets, st anthony, st bla bla bla. how i wish i was in st gabriels, st andrews, bla bla bla.

i miss my friends and lifestyle alot. currently, my life revoloves around those BC peeps in my class. i must say i am lucky to have them. or else, i'd have to talk to my myself during lessons. do stupid things to entertain myself. go to the toilet frequently to talk to my reflection in the mirro, or even the toilet bowl.

everyday i see girls streaming in and outta my class. they are babes who dress up. while im a plain jane who wears nothing but t-shirt+shorts. one day i shall experiment with wearing my pyjamas to school. it must be very cool then. all eyes on me. -siao-

in few hours time, i got to go back to school for an hour worth of lesson. back home for 5 hours, and off to school in an hours time. and im returning in an hours time again. this is basic maths ok. please revise your e-maths if you dont understand what im trying to say. cause if you dont, that means my english fail.

i miss this person like, everyday? how i wish i can see you. what ever i do, im bound to be reminded of you. oh well... bad sign bad sign...

temple with shaun

2009-04-22T21:57:00.003+08:00

went temple with shaun. pray here pray there. trained to bukit gombak first. and walked all the way. chat with shaun like, non stop? so interesting~

then after everything. we walked to the mrt station and train to amk again. took 25 to shaun's house. met nick there. walked to shaun's house.

got in, greet uncle and aunty. uncle is so friendly. aunty is too busy to entertain me i guess.

shaun got me a bowl of porridge, plus the cuppa milo he made for me. 18 years of life, i never had any friend who would make milo for me. but but,i remember alvin making tea for me when i was having gastric. so it was porridge+ milo+ coke+ pokey biscuit= lunch.

oh yes talking about biscuit. shaun bought me porkey biscuit cos i wasn't well in the train. so he got biscuits to help me feel better. thank you shaun!

after lunch was balling session with shaun and nick. and sometime later, zhen hong came to join us with junior. junior is so huge! everytime i see his videos or pics on zh's blog, i thought i was a small doggie. alamak. so cute and furry. i wana have junior curry, boss, don't kill me.

played 2 v 1. shaun and i versus the 165 pro. -fun-

went to change at serangoon cc, before heading to buy dinner for nick's family. then was accompanied by shaun and nick to the bus stop. stupid 55, we waited like goon dus.

overall, i had a fun day. when i was balling, my mind was empty. most of the time balling with ryan, my mind was floating elsewhere. this time, it was dope man!

thanks nick and shaun. friday with cousin yea?

die

2009-04-20T09:59:00.002+08:00

mm, funeral. one at the east, one at the west side of my block. i wonder when's mine next... im not getting emotional or what. its part and parcel of life. cliche but true. we all need to depart this world. its a matter of sooner or later.

if i die, better put a nice photo of me ah? then cremate me with my rabbit. i cannot go without my rabbit. or else i will be crying in my urn though reduced to ashes. also, i love smart looking formal wear. i have a bad figure. so better avoid dresses. so pants will do. not too tight. later my butt can't breathe then got rashes. also, i want my nice heels. makes me look taller. im so katek le. better not me katek when i reach "basement". then ah... i like light makeup. not too heavy. later look like kungfu panda. security guard uncle white and black will hum tum me if they see me black and white. scally call me copycat. then die! i cannot find popo and ah gong le. see if they got latest mobile phone anot. go there and kop from them. so now qing ming jie ar, i better ask mum offer more incense papers and joss sticks. so thta i benefit from it too. don't choy choy me... in case ma.

oh ya..on a random side... do female ghosts have menses? wa must invent sanitary napkin in case.. later go down no napkin to use then die! oh ya, i die le. can't die a second time. unless i have psychic power.

mmm, funeral must cheena style.cause buddhist ma. so any nice friends who will bear this in mind? in case i die then mum needs help. you must tell her what i want. she doesn't know i have a blog. so,shhhhh. must come to my funeral and make it happening hor. can play mahjong. some of my friends loves mahjong. can have uno, poker, or play wii la. ps3 also can. xbox too. just need tee wee only. so easy. sing karaoke also fun. i can secretly laugh in my coffin if you sang out of tune. then nobody knows im giggling. only myself and god knows. so remember when singing karaoke, don't look into my coffin. or else you will get frightened when im laughing inside.

oh ya, when im gonna get cremated.. please handle my coffin with care. those pallbearers, please don't shake my coffin too hard. later i giddy inside. if your find the coffin suddenly very heavy, means i puke inside. so don't shake ok? then *BIM BOM BIANG* throw me on the trolley or whatsoever. noisy eh. disturb me. then will pain also. ouch!

then ar, forgot about my photo. i want my 18th birthday photo. then bluff people ma... no one knows how old am i. so cool right? remember to crop. cos got cousin inside. not very nice. maybe i get people pro in com stuffs to help me with this. maybe can photoshop abit. make my eyes bigger. nose sharper. mouth smaller. don't look like michael jackson can le. then fringe must make nice nice also.

so cool! i prepared my death wishes just like that! remeber this page should anything happen to me ah.

happ somehow

2009-04-20T09:17:00.004+08:00

talk with mr idiom last night, as well as qy. i feel so good now... woots. anw, just came back from minds. didn't sleep a wink at all. and i did this on purpose. i wana adjust my body clock. tonight, im gonna sleep early. the new sem is here. i want a change. later im going back to minds again. afterwhich, to the temple with my mum. after temple, lets see if im gonna go home or what. but of course, mum and i are going to pick kor kor up from tdc

*anw, when i was listening to alan luo's songs on the bus. i thought of jonathan. hi jon! which linked me to pamela. hi pamm! and somehow, i think of vivienne. hi sis!

oh yes, the third post alot of typo error. cos i was rushing. so sorry folks!

2009-04-19T23:33:00.003+08:00

jokes of the day

we were having our dinner. with aunt, uncle, ryan, russell, and i
russell: i got hair leh
me: (drinking water) puke
aunt + uncle: huh!why you never tell us you got hair? hair at where? over there?
russell: (sheepishly) erm, ya. but you never ask ma. why tell you?
ryan: siao ah, this kinda thing must announce meh?
my mum: (walks to the dinning area) oh, russell wants to wait for today ma. we all gather here then he announce ma.

everyone: *LAUGHS*
me: (water still in the mouth. can't swallow)

my mobile's ringtone is.. ok la. one of its kind. piano music. melodious tune. started ringing
me: (dash outta room and picks up the mobile to check for msgs or calls)
me: (went back to the room with a grin.)
me: (tells both cousins) erm, i thought is my mobile eh.
but the fact is that my aunt was playing some videos that she has done-ded using her mobile. she was trying to show-off to my other aunt. and and and. the choice of music was exactly the same as my ring tone. oh well.... im dumb la

2009-04-18T15:30:00.000+08:00

should this blog be moved to another url?
*(considering)

random thoughts

2009-04-18T15:10:00.004+08:00

have you ever had someone doing things that make you feel real touched and sweet all over?
well i had mine. these few days for preparation for school in a week's time. i had all the time in the world to be reflecting and recollecting the past. i chanced upon a blog that made me think deep in my head, using my heart and brains.

1. had a class to surprise you on your birthday. and momma of yours just tricked you into believing them.
2. had a friend to deliver a bottle of liang cha to you place early in the morning before going to school, yet you gave your momma
3. had someone to make ginseng honey for you almost everyday
4. had someone to drop a can of milo on your desk every morning without fail before retiring to his place
5. gave you a hotpack to counter-attack your bodyaches
6. to carry all your books under the desk to your home
7. to have someone sending you a container of porridge when you are sick
8. having a special someone to celebrate your birthday with your family. liar~
9. having friends who will wait for you to meet up, just to send his/her well wishes for a birthday/ to offer his/ her shoulders to lean on whenever you face any problem
10. this is very important to me: TO HAVE THIS PERSON TRYING TO PLAN SOMETHING ON YOUR BIRTHDAY TO LET YOU HAVE AN EVERLASTING MEMORY OF YOUR 19TH BIRTHDAY. DID VIDEOS, CARDS, RABBIT, CAKE, FRUITS, and BARRAGE TRIP FOR THE SURPRISE

all of a sudden, i thought of this friend of mine. is a HE. i remembered the every little thing he has done for me. chatting with me over msn. messaging not so frequently, but its nice when its once in awhile kinda thing. intro you videos, and songs to cheer you up. helping you with your studies. meeting up with you on the bus and going to school together. outings with the rest of the clique. cycling from his place to yours, just to deliver an important document before your exams.

i believe this guy is the first guy friend whom i feel carefree with. not a flirt, not a stingy piggy, not a show-off, not a pessimistic guy. this is the first whom i think has qualities that i really admire.

thank you so much mr idiom.

waiting for prezzie

2009-04-18T15:09:00.002+08:00

waiting for something before i can make my post birthday post. toodles.

happy birthday to me:shaun

2009-04-15T17:38:00.000+08:00

brb

2009-04-11T21:34:00.002+08:00

fallen ill.brb for my bdae post.shaun,alicia,vivienne,shiyi, im tearing whenever i see the vid

Qy,your efforts put in left an everlasting impression

Nat,you big big liar

thank you for birthday wishes

2009-04-10T01:14:00.004+08:00

shaun
qian yu
natasha
vivienne
joey
ryan
eva
pamela
jeremy
hakam
xianglin
alvin
amanda
carmen
tie xuan
rosalin
jian qi

my birthday celebration with qy

2009-04-09T23:27:00.003+08:00

my birthday celebration with qy mentor

today was meeting up with qy. amk station, trained to bugis first, followed by dohby ghaut. when i saw her today, i was so elated. she wore something different from what she often wear. i can see the so called effort in her, trying to make me happy on my birthday. things she said the day before in msn really touched me.

- no more pong hairstyle

- nice dressing today

- intro-ed me affordable meals with quality "taste"

- told me lotsa stuff regarding her

- shared jokes and some research that she has done about, super junior?

- had a friend to actually feed me the first bite of the food that they have on their plates

- tried very hard to arrange the itinerary for me to keep me occupied

had astons for dinner. walked alot, talked alot. and qy, this is exactly one year since i've known you. thanks for the things that you did for me to help me survive the obstacle. my results, its for you apart from whatever reasons i have.

* ps: that girl in the pic above isn't me, its qy

happy birthday april babies

2009-04-07T07:36:00.002+08:00

happy birthday to the April babies!

4th apr: ming ying mei
5th apr: alvin
6th apr: shiok ping
7th apr: alexis aloysious annabelle
11th apr: siya

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EVERYONE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

daily

2009-04-02T12:02:00.002+08:00

monday: BC bbq at kovan melody, gene's place. met shaun and zhen hong, bus-ed there. rang the bell, and hid somewhere else. stupid me went to ring the bell again, and was caught by ros i think. screamed so loudly man. afterwhich, got into the house, took the bbq stuff and got down to the bbq pit. dark clouds were gathering, tiny droplets of rain fell. ade took her umbrella to shield the bbq from being wet by the drizzle. zhen hong and i were balling, shaun joined us after that. somehow, one giant pop-ed out from a corner of the bball court: mr viva. long time since i've seen him as i started jumping with joy. then he was asked to buy some ice from heartland mall. so i tag along to accompany him. he looked shagged. hopefully he's fine. got some ice, and 2 cartons of beer too. went back and the bbq began. was eating and playing at the same time. towards the end of the day was photo taking session(will upload the pics soon). then train home. while waiting for the train, we were sitting on the floor. everyone was staring, but who cares?

*guys, remember monday prata night at prata house ar!

tuesday: was volunteering at MINDS special school again. this time round was outing and i was attached to a little boy called edwind. it was a pleasure to take care of him. however, when we were going back to the school after the outing, i was asked to take over another boy called wei zhong instead. throughout the bus journey, he was pinching me non-stop. having contusion now. *painful* oh well, went home after that.
packed my gym stuff and badminton stuff before setting out to meet shaun. we went to find zh boss and shiyi whose in school. signed in, then started gyming. quite fun i think. with shaun and zh as my instructor. then shiyi was the joker of the day. she was stucked to the same equipment for don't know how long? just vecause she wana watch ellen's show. so i lent her my earpiece. saw a lecturer at the same time. if im not wrong, i heard that he was a former national discus/weight lifting whatever you call. and he was attempting the heavy weights which made me go "WOW". heavy sia. i think he can lift shiyi and i up. working out for the whole day turned me into a jellyfish. so when it was badminton time, i couldn't really hold my racket properly. couldn't run as well. THANKS shaun, shiyi, and zh for playing with me. i really appreciate it.

while we were walking out of school after changing out of our dirty and stinko attire, i check my mobile and realised that mentor called me. returned her call and we were chatting idk for how long. and most of the time we were arguing and talking back to each other. well im not her match. she is the pro. and you know what? she made my day with a sentence. "mentor you should know what im refering to" THANKS once again. love you many many

wednesday: continue with the decomposition process at home

thursday: another day as well

holidays

2009-03-29T21:38:00.005+08:00

these few days was great. meet ups with my dalings. decomposing at home since the start of the holidays. great that my friends still recognised me afterall. lets update yea?

week one all the way to the release of results: i was working out at home, watching HSHMM, household chores, revising of marketing daily, volunteering at MINDS school, and not missing out on the meet up with natasha twice before she returns malaysia, as well as my cousin ryan. so far, i bought a t shirt and a pair of hotpants. budget shopping at bugis.

after the release of results up till now: was back to school for me. went for marketing remedial which i think didn't help a whee bit. everything was uploaded in CMS. oh well, just trying out all the possible alternatives that could help me score!

last wed: met gene, tong yan, and aaron at amk hub for lunch. tong yan and aaron are gene's cg mates. nice folks. went to the cafeteria at the 4th level of hub. had mixed grill.. the serving size was humongous. dory fish fillet with rice. nat loves fish.. cause it reminded me of both of us getting outta school for lunch during that 3 hours break in between. and we had mixed grill, same dish, same stall..

i was chatting happily with gene about our usual topics. he's like my preacher. heh, he was explaining how do relationships work out, the definition of relationships, especially friendship.. whereas tong was busy with gene's psp. in the midst of our conversation, aaron popped by, and bryna gave our gathering a miss since she's meeting her bf.

went to get ourselves some makan. then, out of no where, gene was suggesting that aaron should consider joining the cheerleading group thingy for their church. well, being a buddhist myself, i wasn't aware how church activities are being carried out. so i was keeping quiet for sometime. nontheless, mr chia talked about gene being interested in touching girls butt, therefore he joined cheerleading for the sake of touching girl's butt. i was tickled by his jokes and all.. as tong and i started giggling along. both of them were debating on the cheerleading issue...

so we left after filling our stomachs, went to gaming shops to source for interesting psp, ps3 games. tong and i were drawn by the guitar heros world tour thingy..(and i told myself that i will work very hard to get myself all these desired items, turning my dream house into a gaming chalet)...

xiang messaged me after that, syaing that she's coming over to meet me after her school. so the three of them left hub for j8 to buy tong's bbq items. its her 21st. happy belated tong. sorry for not making it to your chalet. THANKS for the encouragement card you wrote me.. i kept it well! maybe i should hide under my pillow.hah

my dear xiang and i were walking aimlessly around hub. i guess there's nothing interesting about hub. the only shops that i fancy laying my foot in would be the.. guess?.....ok la, i think you'd better give up. i love those soft toy shops man. i love hugging those toys. im sick in the brain la, cannot ah? cause i'll start making them walk on their feets. sorry la, cannot resist making a fool outta myself

so was makan session again with xiang. she had tom yam fish soup, while i had ice kachang. talked alot about a*oy. fred not buddaye, he will be fine after school reopens. i guess his dad has pinned high hopes on him. so stand by him alright? trust me. and trust him.

somehow, her lappy was brought out.. and you know, what most peeps would do with the lappy besides surfing the net, msn session,etc. we were basically camwhoring. dumb xiang was trying to capture my unglam moments. for some idk why reasons, i started going crazy with her. taking pics like nobody's business. we even disturbed a lady sitting near us. im sorry~ couldn't help it but laughing at ourselves for making a fool out of the lappy, the underwear purse, and ourselves. had a good laugh. THANKS xiang, it has been quite sometime since i've really laughed and joked.

gdd came to fetch me home after sending xiang up her stoopid bus.

thursday: was a last minute meet up with my dear pooh bear.. hah, so rude. later kena scolding. its miss mentor. venue...amk hub...huh... ok la. hub is my second home these two days. just that i didn't walk around bare-footed or naked. hahah! both of us idle around before settling down at the fountain to chat. mmm, i feel like putting on hair extensions for her. perhaps that's when she will sit down like a lady... no la, i love you for who you are mentor! used to your diffrent hair length vs different behavior. long hair:ladylike. short hair: boy boy. aiya, don't care also. as long as you remain that pooh lover/chocolate lover. then it shows that you are normal. just don't shock me. (I HAVE WEAK HEART)

friday: was out to town with pamm and jon. jon ar, late ar? demerit points for you! naughty boy! oh yes, how's your throat? any better? takecare ar! drink more water and lesser gaming at night please. you told me to sleep early, unless i wana sacrifice my complexion. so the same goes for you! trained to orchard station, meet up, and was struggling with trying to decide what to eat for lunch. so thanks to mr luo zhixiang, we ate ramen ten at taka. to be honest, its my first time at ramen ten. i hardly eat out, and i hardly lift my arse off my sofa.. so that explains why. i told them that i wana reward myself after so much hard work and etc. over these years, i haven't been rewarding my stomach.

we makan, then chat alot alot. i didn't know that jon really understand human beings quite well, jon and pamm, thank you so much for everything. your encouragements in everything i do. the support that i feel and see from you guys. both of you have been really nice to me. and this makes me feel that poly life really changed me. i had many good friends,as well as close friends. you guys know who you are, this time round, im not gonna name you guys.

back to topic, we were looking at some toys at the toy fair.. i started carrying the barney backpack around.. while pamm was busy asking me whether i want a bunny soft toy for my upcoming birthday. i was surprised ok! she remebered my birthday. i seriously don't expect anyone to remember my birthday. afterall its just another day for me... *so touched* i was quite.. heeh.don't know how to express....

next stop was far east. i bought a nice scarf that i love. was searching for good bargains and i finally found one. so i seized the chance of course! i saw a top hat... but was considering if i should buy it. i love it so much. well, im not a shopper. i hardly shop for clothes. so it was hard for me to decide if i should buy the top hat. the same goes for the scarf. though it was 5 bucks, i was thinking thinking thinking. finally, i bought it. I FEEL LIKE AN OLD LADY. IM SO NAGGY.

this trip was more of a catching up with jon and pamm, more than shopping or whatsoever. we chat more than anything else. and i enjoy the outing with them. THANKS jon and pamm once again..

sat/sun: im sorry xiang, didn't go and visit aloy and alex's akido demo at town area. conclusion, i was at home... last minute last minute ahhhhhhhhhh

monday: class bm0803 bbq. hopefully it turns out well. cause it was a quite last minute decision to go for it. because of some so called persuasions. i really appreciate it. thanks to gene, melissa a, melissa chan, rosalin, and adeline for organizing it. it'll be our last gathering. and that was one of the reasons why i decided to go along with the bbq. nat,vivi,alicia,eva, how i wish you guys would be there... i miss each and everyone of you... what a waste....

so that's how i spent my days! and im going back to MINDS for more volunteering activities. praying hard that my marketing will give me dope results!

ps: im missing my friends
and nat, see ya soon

i love you guys

2009-03-27T18:24:00.002+08:00

sorry for the missing in action. was giving my best shot for the last marketing paper. and im now back to the last topic where i last stopped.

well im gonna let this matter rest. but if that fella tries to provoke me, i will do what i should. so yea, watch out. i will no longer allow friendship to become a barrier between us anymore. thanks to you who end it. or else till today, i would be binded by friendship. please stop aiming at my weakness if you have the guts. im not for your punching bag or whatsoever alright?

also, for people who are not blinded by any rumours, i would like to express my gratitude for being objective. thanks for standing up for me, thanks for telling the truth and not shy from it after a problem rosed from nowhere, just because someone is itching to find a punching bag after not doing well for his/her paper. that fella should seriously think through what he/she had said to me in those text messages. you ought to be ashamed of yourself deh.

i don't know if you, the guilty one is reading. but i wana say: reflect on what you have done in all the project groups. why were you left crying? why were you pissed? why were you hurled vulgarities at? ask yourself.

and i have reflected upon my actions, coming to a conclusion: yes fella, you cannot be trusted though i did not say anything secretive. cos what you know is what we all know. i guess, im stupid to be tricked by your appearance, the innocent, weak, ladylike one. im not gonna let my guard down, in case we happened to be in the same specialization, in the same class, in the same project group. and you know what, im gonna be stricter with you this time. test me fella.

for those who are still skeptical about this incident, i wana tell you not to imagine things as they are. do not spread untruth/truth. cos it will not do anyone good. so thank you so much for cooperating. i trust you guys that you are matured enough to weigh whats good and whats not for you.

so fella,wake up.....

you can say all you want regarding the project. cos i guess there are more peole who are pissed at you. they have brains to think who's that irresponsible one.

i just wana protect innocent ones whose dragged into this controversy of ours. please grow up and not aim at people's weaknesses if you can't win him/her with your capability and facts. the fact is that, you are a big meanie

no longer the same

2009-03-17T19:06:00.002+08:00

im no longer the same. i won't get "shoot" for nothing now
i was stupid in the past to keep quiet
now, i will stand up and talk logic into your face

accused

2009-03-17T18:39:00.003+08:00

i hate the feeling of being accused. i took my results today. and yes, i wasn't happy with what i have gotten. and a friend of mine text me regarding one of our module, accusing me of getting my group members to mark her down. she could have gotten a B+ instead of whatever grade she is having now. hello? what right do i have in controlling the others decision, whether i mark you down or not? its a team decision. and who says that we marked you down? we don't have to account for everything that we do. everything has their reasons behind. it wasn't done for the sake of fun or whatsoever childish terms you may come out with.

why were you overseas when the whole group is doing project? when i asked you to change your recommendations into paragraph form, why didn't you do it? instead you claimed that i was the leader. leader=editor. i should do everything. hello again. im supposed to compile and edit. not edit, compile, edit. like that i won't be in business management. i'd be in mass comm? editing scripts and etc. you said graphs were done by you. yes, you did. it was an easy task. most could do it. and, you said you contributed ideas. yes, in the recommendations. but when i asked you to amend it, you refused. and it became my job to do it. when i saw your contents, i changed everything. cause it wasn't appropriate? and lastly, you said that i ordered people to mark you down. hello? why do i have to do that? you give me a reason? if you can't, you are being guilty. if you can, your reasons are crap.

you can say anything about me, but not defame me. especially when it questions my character, personality, and actions. what you said was questioning my integrity. you said that i go everywhere telling people my stuffs. when did i do that. i can simply tell you only 2 person has the key to unlocking my problems. and the reason why they know about my personal problems with another classmate because they were the ones who saved my friendship with her. they are always the ones who speak good about the friend im quarreling with, offering advice for us to reconcile. and the reason why i confide in you cause i take you like a senior who can advice me.

you said i spread stuff about her. and when i rebut, what answer you gave me? you said : "no i didn't say you spread rumours about bla bla bla...." stop slapping yourself in the mouth after saying things without concrete evidence. i didn't 'destroy' her image as what you claimed. you have a rather wild imagination huh? she knows that i have confide in those 2 friends before, xause i told her that they were the ones who saved our friendship. so have i made myself clear?

remember you used to advice me, change me into a more "feminine" girl? i heed your advice and i really tried. i took all your words into serious consideration. and due to the semestral exams, you are not happy with your results and you took it out on me.

come on, you are just being guilty of not doing a good job, thats why you suspect me of doing this, doing that. ask yourself, why did you encounter so many problem with your groupmates from different groups? look into the mirror and ask yourself.

im gonna say something which you dont like: you are the only person who gave me problem in a project, compared to so many groups i used to have

*if you want good grades, work for it then. i can tell you, i own what i have by building everything from scratch with my pair of hands

i miss you

2009-03-12T00:15:00.002+08:00

where are you... where where... why is it that i see happily ever after in other blogs and not mine? somehow when you're not by my side, i feel empty. its like, braces without retainers, mouth without teeth, pen without ink, palms without fingers.. ok enough of it. i had this weird feeling in my heart but im not sure what is it exactly.. all i know, im nothing without you. where are you once again?

first day of revision

2009-03-10T12:02:00.004+08:00

good afternoon everyone!

its a new day

so wassup for grabs? lets see... rice, vege(ewww), fish, arghhh....i saw it! gonna munch munch

yum,i had my lunch, what about you guys? must be staring at your com since morning till now yea? better not do that. will give you stomach problems.

well,gonna makan, pom pom, then study marketing. to shaun, jiyou for your econs. to shiyi, have confidence in yourself!you can do it!

so ciao~

happy birthday vivienne

2009-03-09T12:20:00.005+08:00

we've been through everything together. the joy, the sorrows, etc.
it is you who made things seem peaceful and simple as it is.
enjoy your company as i can let my guard down, giving you my 100% trust

with you, nothing seems to be boring.. its colours everywhere
fun things we did to entertain ourselves (though people thought that we are idiots)
the sweetest things that we have done for each other when we were sick
the thoughtful gestures that we've shown to each other when i was down especially

you gave me a different perspective of how should a friendship work out
and now that we are sis, we'll work things out to ensure that this friendship goes on for an infinite period of time.

when i fall, you lent me your support
when i shed tears, you saved that tears of mine
when i turned cranky, you accommodate that cranky character of mine
when i was on the cloud nine, you accompanied me through and you made that feeling last for me
when i fall sick, you gave me everything that could help me recover (your lozenges, chrysanthemum tea, messages daily, msn reminders, etc)
when im angry, you cooled me down
when im in doubt, you tried your best to solve it no matter what it takes
when i need a helping hand, you are always one of the first to do so

for that sis, i wana say I LOVE YOU

happy birthday vivienne!( you love white)

you're 18 this year. wishing you everlasting youth and vibrancy, bright and wonderful future, smart and witty forever..
-able to get into HRM
-do well to get a good gpa score
-get into director's list
-and things that you'd wished for comes true for you!

once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS, and lastly, I LOVE YOU, THANKS for everything, SORRY for anything

VIVIENNE TAN HUI YI!!!

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to hui yi
happy birthday to YOU!

signs and symtoms

2009-03-06T18:20:00.004+08:00

can anyone tell me what's love about? i remember nat once told me that it is when you are willing to do anything for that person without hesitation. i no longer know what's the feeling like.. till sh talked to me.. he brought up the past, and i apologise alright? im sorry dude. but i guess being single is the best option for me. not gonna get bounded by anything.. i love independence, freedom, and discipline. having an alter ego kinda messes my identity as i get all dependent and spoiled.

at this moment, im quite confused by what love is. but are these symtoms of loving a person?

1) misses that person even though he is by my side

2) does anything to get his attention

3) loves running errand for that person

4) having the tendency to pick up the cellphone, just to keep a lookout for his messages

5) wanted so much to go out with him

im just curious... are these signs of loving someone?

there is this thai song that idon't understand.. find it kinda gay for a guy to be singing like that.. but the music was kinda catchy.. so listen to it if you don't mind... this reminds me of my thai friends.. how are you drum,parn,tik,noi nga and jean? come back to singapore soon ya? its been 2 year plus since i've seen you guys... sabai sabai

my 19th birthday surprise in advance

2009-03-04T12:41:00.007+08:00

my advance birthday surprise video from nat

well got a surprise from nat yesterday. the previous night, she text me to ask if im going online or something. so i told her that im not. so yesterday, when i was online in the afternoon, she initiate a chat with me, and even sent me a video. i was quite reluctant to accept the video as it takes alot of time for me to download it. yet she was there urging me to watch it. and yea, i did. who knows it was a touching video which contained all the memories in year 1. i admit that i teared after seeing it. totally lost for words, not knowing what should i say to her.

我愛黑澀會

2009-02-26T23:52:00.003+08:00

我愛黑澀會!!!

somehow im addicted to this variety show... for 18 years of my life, i finally found something that could brighten my day when im down... which is watching this show... other than that, its the song: IF THAT'S OK WITH YOU by shane ward. for people close to me, you guys should know that this song has accompanied me since sec 5 days. when i was down, it was a jovial and catchy song which divert my attention away from the troubles i had... till this day, this song is the very first song on my playlist whenever i turn on my mp3 first thing in the morning.

i was thinking.. after blogging about my thoughts and stuff about my life... why am i so different from other teenagers? so i started using the lappy, went to search for interesting videos online, and etc. at last, i found the 'teenager' in me. i really enjoyed myself everytime i watch this show. seeing how those girls around my age getting sabotaged by hei ren lao da.

i really envy those girls.. freedom, looks, popularity, attention is all that they can get. for me... all these isn't important... except, freedom.

thats all i really need

what is love

2009-02-26T23:20:00.002+08:00

love=L+O+V+E=Lagi Orbit Villains Expedition

so its like you risking it whilst being in a relationship. at the same time, you'll be the villain when brushed alongside certain circumstances.

well well, i was just crapping...

nothing better to do..

these few days were hell for me..aunt was on medical leave.and there she goes...nagging,etc. so i couldnt watch the tv, turn on the lappy as and when i like it, ar man, its worse than being shut in a prison.. at least prison, there's fresh air at the end of the day... at home, i smell bad breath when my aunt starts her journey to the west.....ok,kinda exaggerating here.. but im really bored to tears when aunt is at home. you kinda feel the pressure given the constraints at home.. hate the feeling..

oh well, tml im going to my brother's school to volunteer my services as a teacher assistant. so hopefully those kids are kind to me... and qy mentor, may i have you photo? so that i can bring there. in case i got *HOOT* by those kids, i just have to show your photo.. and they will stop their nonsence.. i won't bring the pooh. cause they might think its you and they wana bite ur butt. kidding! anw, heya jer, im a volunteer like you! take good care of yourself during your mission to thailand... bon voyage in advance!

actually, my purpose for beginning my post this way, cause... its for you amanda... though we may not be as close as we were in zhonghua.. but i know you do occupy a place in my heart apart from the close friends i have now in my life.. what i told u in msn wasn't crap. it was heartfelt comments and emotions put together to console you. i may not know him well. but for a relationship to work out, both sides must give, and take... i know that you did alot for this relationship. im pretty sure it's working out. however, you'd face setbacks that is gonna make you entertain second thoughts about this relationship, and that you are on the verge of giving up. since you have already decided to hold on to him, give in this time round too. you have no choice. its either u let go, or you give in and do something about it then.

also, joey mei... erm thank you so much for being there by my side.. so far, i've really experienced all the hiccups in my life.. and you were the paperbag to nursing my hiccups. yea it sounds kinda mushy.. but i realli aprreciate what you have done for me. when people turn their backs againt me, you'll be the last one to stay by my side. no matter what, you chose to believe in me. that is when i wouldn't feel so useless... when i fall, its really painful. especially when you're on the top of the mountain.. falling down=falling hard. and i must admit, i've fallen off the mountain.. its hurting.. however, you stayed by my side to nurse my wound. erm, i wana say... THANK YOU.

hehe,so mushy...so ps now..

2009-02-19T11:20:00.002+08:00

wana booze anyone?

*im pronounced dead that day

2009-02-13T12:33:00.008+08:00

last day of cny

2009-02-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

happy new year once again...

see you in two weeks time

2009-02-04T13:19:00.002+08:00

i wana apologise to you. i know that you won't be reading this at all. however i wana say that from now till the last paper, you will be officially out of my mind. but remain in my heart. no worries, im just shutting myself out of everything. you should be able to see by now. im avoiding every moment i see you. cos i want peace during this period of time. its a crucial phase for me to catch up with alot of stuffs academically. so i hoped to seek your understanding and let me be alright? still friends ya? cya in two weeks time, bye bye carebear

happy new year!

2009-01-29T08:29:00.001+08:00

*shall upload the rest next time

happy cny

2009-01-24T00:49:00.002+08:00

blame it on my sensitivity, and a phobia of making friends with certain kind of people. those days are back to haunt me. and you know, i have that feeling that a group of people disliked me. an intuition i guess. well, im gonna keep my hyperactivity low and maintain my poise. i thought that by being playful and childish, i am able to avoid certain things. always had the wrong concept that by being dull and quiet, i will invite more problems. however, the way im behaving now makes me feel that im trying to gain attention, act cute, act funny, etc. im trying to be honest here, im not. up to you to believe. im not. and i will change.

yu chan, i heed your advice

2009-01-21T13:58:00.003+08:00

i just read your blog. and the word that you used today is repeated umpteen times in your blog. if you really wana change, stop using those vulgarities. the sem 1 buddy i knew wasnt so vulgar and rude. where did that nice guy went to? please bring him back.

im sorry

2009-01-21T13:33:00.006+08:00

today, was a great day. cause i let go of a burden that was weighing on my shoulders. though i lost something that is priceless, i feel that im beginning to see the world in a clearer light. yes, i may feel depressed about it. however, if i persist, i guess hurt is all i get in return. its been a long journey, from the first day of nyp till now. what ever that has happened during this period of time remained as memories, experience, and a lesson learnt as well. i learnt that no one can please everyone in the world. the only person he/she should please is him/herself. thanks for everything. your laughters, your tears, your jealousy, your care and concern. i guess i learnt alot from you. and what i think i should inherit from you is... bo chapness. im not trying to be sarcastic. but i find it quite true and useful.

as of today, i did something which i didn't do in my life before, which is telling my friends off directly infront of his face. whatmore, that person has been accompanying me throughout sem 1 times. in times of sadness, i had lame jokes to hear. in times of boredom, i had a kaki to accompany me for meals and shopping. when i fell ill, he took great care of me. all these are in my heart. i will never forget.

however, i scolded him today. and its practically shouting at him in the tutorial room. why did i do that? because he insulted a classmate of mine. and a girl too. why use vulgarities on your project mates? can't you talk nicely to her? yes, you may be angry. you could have scolded her, and i will not give a damn about it. but you know, you hurl vulgarities on her. and the word describes a woman's most private area of the body.

don't you feel embarassing as a guy to say such things to a girl? you think vulgarities like this is cool and fun to use, especially targetting a female? yes, we females are vulnerable in a way. but non-gentlemen like you are no better. i repeat again. yes, you may scold her due to some reasons. but why use vulgarities on your project mates? afterall she is your classmate for almost a year.

think about it. why are you alone now? what has happened?

have you ever thought that the things you said can be hurting? it may entertain yourself for that particular minute. what about the rest? do you think everyone is comfortable with your insult and jokes?

i take you as a close friend of mine. i kept quiet on afew occasions when you insulted me. yea, its a joke, why not? but you know that kind of jokes are not so funny? think about it. people called you uncle, police took you to a corner to question you as part of a normal procedure, yet you couldn't take it. what about friends like us?

we became the lead actor and actresses to your insults. it hurts at times, do you know that? scolding you doesn't make me feel any happier. because we are friends.

im not trying to create a hoo-hah out of what happened today. but i wana let you know what is going on. you said that you wana change. where is it? are you becoming better or vice versa? think about it buddy.

im sorry for what happened today

and you think about it again.

where did the sem 1 you went to.....

2009-01-19T19:19:00.002+08:00

today was terrible..i messaged you.yet you ignored me.i was just concerned about you.wanted to remind you to have a good meal before school,as no one was at home.yet you refused to reply.when i stepped into the lab,i saw you standing there happily talking to the others.you know how i feel?it feels horrible.it feels as if you came to school,went to do your feedback without me.whereas before that,i even asked what time are you coming to school.at that moment,i knew that what i told you on friday didnt sink into your ears.since there is no point in us getting so close,might as well just let go.you already made your stand clear,you will never change for the sake of your friends.yes,you did send the message across to me.i got it.and i will never hold on to someone who doesnt care about me.why?cause when i needed you,you werent there.also,when you are with someone in particular,you left me alone for that person.it didnt occur once,twice,thrice,yet its umpteen times.i hate those feelings.you made me belive in friendship.yet you made me regret my decision.sem 1 wasnt like this.where did you go?where is that caring and nice friend?where is the one whom i talk on the phone with often?now it feels so horrible.when i see you,especially in class,its like we are competing in class using our grades.i hate it.now and then when i needed you,you werent there.even though i told you how i feel.how did you react?everything fell on deaf ears.a friend who left with good memories somehow made me leave her with bad memories that surfaced recently.i was very tolerant in a way or so,considering the fact that i dont belive in friendship in the past,and i was rather picking in the friends that i made.now...its you who made me feel so....

1st day out of house

2009-01-04T15:15:00.002+08:00

after two weeks at home, i finally got out of my shell. thanks for your concern! im sure you know im refering to you.

went out with uncle aunt and cousins. town trip. well, ry got his pants... while i got nothing for myself.

be patient jo. woots.

my cousins gave me a treat. was so happy. first time eh. hehe. someone gave me a treat. felt 'loved'. well, russ as usual didn't get anything for himself. that boy... thrifty.

went for shopping at bugis area, then trained to town. went to see my aman. stupid gal. was standing there at her counter, chatting with her for quite sometime. long time since i've chat with her. will visit you soon ass~

after shopping was home. before that, went for supper at my house area. quite fun though. we ate, chat, etc.

happy new year

2008-12-31T21:26:00.004+08:00

happy new year to my darlings out there. its been a great 2008, especially with people who changed my mindset. i wana thank you guys for making my journey a smooth one in 2008. without you guys, i could have been that anti social freak in class. 2007 was bad. 2008 was great.

the journey begins when i stepped into nyp. i had fantaby hooby friends who cared alot. from visiting me when i was ill, to sending me to the hospital, to sending messages daily to check if i was alright. i didn't know that i could make such wonderful friends.

yes, my life is about friends. friends who changed my life. thanks alot

qy
nat
viv bro
gene
jer
shaun
syf
pamm
jon
viv sis
alvin

this journey was ardous...tiring too. yet fun filled. thank for those who cared for me. and sorry to those whom i've ever offended if i did. thanks for being part of my life. you guys added colours to it.

qy: sorry to irritate you so often with my rants
nat: sorry to quarrel with you all the time
shaun: sorry to worry you when im constantly sick
viva: sorry to drag the IT project down when i was ill
alvin: sorry buddy to neglect you recently
vivienne: sorry sis if i ever neglect you at times
jeremy: sorry to keep certain things from you.well, you exposed my secrets somehow!
eugene: sorry for not picking up your calls
shiyi: sorry for not protecting you well

sorry

qy: thanks for being there all the time...
nat: thanks for your company
shaun: thanks for staying by my side when i needed care and concern, and saving a friendship of mine
viva: thanks for taking care of me especially when im ill, and when i lost a friend, you saved it in time
alvin: thanks for your jokes to cheer me up when im down,and your frequent company for meals and shopping
vivienne: thanks for caring for me. your messages, your msn messages, etc. water+medicine+rest=recovery
jeremy: thanks for your advice and your gentle pat on my shoulders when im down
eugene: thanks for your healing prayers. he answered it. praise the lord
shiyi: thanks for being such a sweet girl to mummy

thanks

2009, welcome!!!!!!

merry christmas

2008-12-24T19:33:00.003+08:00

hohoho merry christmas my dear friends out there.its been a wonderful year with you guys. for those who have been by my side, crossing the obstacles with me, i would like to say thank you so much for your support and company regardless of whatever that happened to me. i love you guys. i know you cared, and i could feel it.. i love you guys. *smoocchhhs*

qy mentor:more chocolates for the new year ahead!

shaun: mr tigger is my idol

viva bro:jo loves her power rangers

alvin: yea, you'll look the most suave when its 20 years later

nat loupo: fei cai bao

shi yi gal gal: no one should bully you anymore!

viv sis: more years to come with more poohs around!

amanda sis: you silly kitty

xiang buddy: arrr loiii cioousss among your little prezzie

zhen hong: i will grow taller in 20 years time. watch me dunk'

mummy alicia: lets whack daddy everyday!woots

pamm xiao mei: audi all the way!

jer: no more sneezing boy.slap yourself!

MERRY XMAS!!!!

she is

2008-12-22T19:47:00.000+08:00

dedicated to you

stronger

2008-12-22T19:02:00.004+08:00

im a superwoman once again...the world is saved from all villians and evil busters.rar har har!

well, today was a sleepy sleep day. i woke up, and slept again. wasn't sure what made me drowsy and worn out. perhaps i slept too late last night. in fact, it should be last morning. nono, this morning. i had so much to do, as i had wasted one week doing nothing but recuperating. the air's never been so fresh before... *breathes* woots~

i feel good..... ta la ta la la la la...

gonna start anew from today. nothing's gonna make me angry anymore. nothing's gonna make me sad. nothing's gonna affect me for so many days. im gonna find that jocelyn whose flaring limit is... 1 hour? an hour and everything will be fine.woohoo~

so happy...anyone can feel it?im sharing with you guys... lets be happy for the next few days, till 2008 comes to an end. *smile

superwoman

2008-12-19T18:42:00.002+08:00

fallen ill....gotta drink up the reservoir water...or else superwoman's unable to fly up the sky..but but,what if water retention?machiam paiseh...cos fat and bloated..lagi phui...also cannot fly...haiz,will someone lend me a pair of propellers?like doraemon or something..shhh,cannot say so loud.later that da tou will laugh at me for teasing him and his big head...at least he has his propellers.well,problems are never ending..and you know,from today onwards,im gonna be strong.cos im superwoman..and a slim one too..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MENTOR!!!!

2008-12-13T14:56:00.003+08:00

happy birthday ms robber(fyi:photo kop from your fs)

its your 19th.this is the first year that i got to celebrate yur birthday with ya.this year has been a fruitful one with your company.its a blessing to know you.without you,life seems colourless.thanks for your patience and care these few months.on this special day,i wish you all the best for the future years to come,whether its your studies,friendship,love matters,work,etc.always remember,if you need a support,i'll be there for you,like what you did for me.

happi bird-dae to you

happi bird-dae to qy

happi birdy dae to you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAYY!

hugs for you!!!

don't scold me er xing hor.hah

smiles!

S_ _ _ _

2008-12-08T19:34:00.003+08:00

nice guy with great demeanour...

gentleman with a sense of humour....

playful chap with a thoughtful nature....

caring friend with a tinge of sensitivity that we all need...

a friend in need is a friend indeed...

thanks for everything:
encouragements

songs

company

motivational video

17th

2008-12-08T19:25:00.002+08:00

ros is 17 after ytd...wana dedicate this post to her..sorry that i wasnt in the righ frame of mind to post some happy stuffs ytd...on a lighter note,though the situation hasnt improved,but im happier today with shaun and alvin's company,esp shaun.happy belated ros,may you have a wonderful 17 with your friends.sorry that i didnt turn up for your celebration.hope to make it up to you if we can????